Had I Not

I often say “everything happens for a reason.”  It's probably become, for many of us, a somewhat automatic response. But today, I found myself thinking about it differently.

Had I not had a tiny disruption in an otherwise ordinary errand — not because everything “happens for a reason” in some simplistic way—but because a disruption created an opening.

Had I not gone to Lowes, and if the cash register didn’t have a problem in the garden dept I would not have been standing in line and I would not have met and had the conversation I had with a delightful couple and their sweet rescue dog: I learned he is 91, she a few years behind, had I not smiled and said said what a cute dog they had and struck up a conversation with them while we waited I would not know about one of their daughters who recently passed from a rare cancer, I would not know she loved all things outdoors. Had I not been present, I would not have seen the tears in his eyes, nor would I have known that because of a conversation he had with her shortly before she died, he began walking nightly in her honor. 55 consecutive days and counting.

A cash register malfunctioned, and suddenly my ordinary trip to Lowe’s intersected with a 91-year-old father and a bit younger (in her 80s) mother carrying extraordinary love and grief.

And now I know about her. Their daughter. And so do you.

You know there was a daughter who loved the outdoors. You know there is a father who, through tears, said that because of a conversation they had shortly before she died, he has walked every evening for 55 days in her honor. She entered my awareness because the register wasn't working and had I not…

It makes “Had I not…” such a powerful phrase. Because we usually use had I not retrospectively for the large decisions:

Had I not taken that job...

Had I not married him...

Had I not moved there...

But today, had I not is about the almost ridiculously small things upon which life pivots and human encounters can turn.

Had the register worked. That's it. A functioning cash register could have erased an entire conversation from my life. Not erased the couple. Not erased their daughter. Not erased his walks. Only erased my knowing of them.

And perhaps that's the part that touched me the most: all around us are lives we don't yet know about. Most of the time, we simply pass one another. Then, occasionally, something doesn't go according to plan.

Had I not...

Perhaps the unfinished sentence is the point. Because we can trace it backward endlessly, but we can never know what today's small detour may trace forward. Sometimes inconveniences happen for a reason; sometimes they're simply disruptions that create an opening.💜